Oh Yeah.

That guy from back in January? TOTAL ASSHAT. Just sayin'.

Yeaaahhhhh.

Oakland Raider Fans
Circle I Limbo

Militant Vegans
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

DMV Employees
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

PETA Members
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Steve Jobs
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Barack Obama
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Osama bin Laden
Circle VII Burning Sands

Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

General asshats
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

Crying

I'm so pathetic. I'm so pathetic that I ramble everything on this blog instead of having an actual person to talk to. How sad is that? I have no one to talk about the sad and depressing things with.

There is a boy I adore. More than a boy, really. We dated in high school and I let other people's opinions of him influence my own, and it ruined everything, and right when I was opening back up to him, he found someone else. Someone who I am sure is much nicer and prettier than I am. My chest is burning, my eyes are stinging, and my ears are roaring. I can't make myself unfriend him and let go, but it kills me to talk to him and know that I fucked everything with him up. I'm only 20-years-old and I already have more regrets than some 50 year olds I know.

I'm so sad all of the time. I cry all the time and I never want to do anything. I just hate eveything thats going on in my life, and I hate the person I'm becoming.

I used to love being outside and taking pictures and drawing and reading, but now all I want to do is sleep all the time. I can't even listen to music without getting angry or upset about something.

The thought of going back to school next week makes me want to puke. I hate school, I absolutly hate it, and no one understands. I would rather poke myself in the eyes repeatedly with dirty needles than go back to school but everyone says it's something that has to be done and that I should just get over it, but no one really asks why I feel the way I do. I want to cry at the thought of spending time in school. I just want to curl up in a ball under my covers and never come out until I'm actually pretty and someone wants me like I want them.

Is it so much to ask for? Someone who loves me that I can love back?

Is it so much to ask for? To love myself just the way I am?

I Love Disappointment

I really love disappointment sometimes. I love when I make plans with my dad a week prior to the day I want to do things, but it seems like everything is more important than me. 2 days ago we were supposed to go out and do something together (get a hibachi lunch) becuase he had taken my sister and her boyfriend out last week. Well 2 days ago he made an excuse, like he always does. Then we changed our plans to go yesterday, but he, once again, cancelled and made plans for today, before I go to work. Then I wake up and he's out somewhere but it's okay, the place doesn't even open until 11. 11 approaches and he is home just in time, I was hoping to leave at 10:30 to get there at 11 because I have to leave for work at 2:30. Well, he's brought a friend home with him, and they've decided to work on finishing the basement instead. Then when he asks me when I work tomorrow and I tell him I have off I add "So let me guess, we're going tomorrow?" he goes "I'm sorry Sam, but this is just more important."

It felt like a little stab in the chest. He says things like that all the time that to a normal person wouldn't mean anything, and they wouldn't take it in such a harsh way, but to me it sounds like "Sam, this is more important than you." I know how crazy I am. I'm being insane and I know it, but it still hurts my feelings :(

Happy New Year!

 Just popping in to wish everyone a safe and happy New Year! I'll post some pictures of my Christmas swag some other day. Right now I'm just having fun making a post with my new Bamboo Pen & Touch Tablet! <3

And May All Your Christmases Be White...

Just wanted to share some pictures of the gingerbread house disaster that my sister and I created. We were originally going to do one large house, then my dad touched it and the entire thing collapsed, so we made a beach town. My sister even had some santa shaped smidgens (one of which is on the roof of the "condos")

Click for bigger pics.

Just My Luck and Well Wishes

I haven't updated in a while, but I just came on here to wish everyone a safe and happy Christmas in the next few days, and a fantastic new years next week!

Also, I would just like to say, only I would park on an incline, open the back door to take my nephew out of his car seat, and get slammed in the face by the door instead. I of course have a lovely bruise, but then again, I'm like a bruise factory.

I also picked out my Christmas present from my parents today (the guise of surprising us has long since gone out the window in my family). I got new snowboarding pants (my other ones had a hole in the crotch from such intense use (not realy). Here are a few pics of all that jazz.

The Old

The New

And the Board <3

Click for bigger pics.